Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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