Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
