ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
