Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
