I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
