I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
