if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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