So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
