its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
