every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
