I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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