Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
