I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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