Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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