it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
