Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
