I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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