I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
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I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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