My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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