Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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