Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
