you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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