i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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