im drinking this country out of the recession.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
