matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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