so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize