dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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