I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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