??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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