After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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