The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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