no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I look better un-naked...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
