shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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