This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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