24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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