Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
