& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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