Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
