I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
