this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
