based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
