Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary