I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch