I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.