I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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