shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
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Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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