Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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