Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
