So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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