I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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