Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
