I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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