I can't watch pbs sober anymore
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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