Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
bring money and cleavage
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
