I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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