It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
