So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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