I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
