all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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