I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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