just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
