I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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